It happened in the same week I had to pull out of two public speaking commitments I had made. A legal matter regarding the estate of my late sister-in-law arose and I was going to be out of town on the days I’d agreed to guest speak.
It is one thing to write an article on saying no, but the actual saying of it is quite another! I dreaded making the calls and all the theory in the world, doesn’t change the fact that I hate letting people down. It didn’t and eventually, like Nike suggests, I braced myself and just did it.
The experience got me thinking about what makes saying no so hard? Some people are definitely better at it than others, but no matter how good we are at it in some areas, there is always that one area that nails us every time. Whether it is a work crisis, a friend in need, a hungry beggar, a good party or a piece of cake, there is always something that we just can’t say no to. I’m curious about what keeps us stuck.
In the areas that give us trouble, I suspect the problem is that we miss the point. We spend a lot of time thinking. We make excuses in our heads, we think about how bad we, or the person we are saying no to, will feel. Or we avoid thinking about it, we procrastinate and distract ourselves in all sorts of ingenious ways. And what does all of this have in common? Well, it’s really just theory isn’t it? It’s about what MAY happen, not what HAS happened.
So maybe Nike really is on to something! Maybe the trick is not to think so much about saying no. Instead of coming up with more theories about why it’s hard, or what the true reason is, just do it. Say no. Say no to unwanted thoughts, say no to thoughts that make you feel bad about yourself, and say no to hypothetical fears. Build up that muscle, and saying no to unwanted people and events will be a breeze. Lol, fingers crossed on this one!