This is a true story! It started when I made an appointment to chat to a meditation teacher about some stuff that was going on for me. He forgot. No biggie, it happens. A few days later I called two friends who said they would get back to me and both forgot. I called a therapist I know to make an appointment and you are not going to believe this, but he forgot to call me back! At this point my strategizing mind ran out of options and simply gave up.
The down side of running out of strategies to avoid our feelings, is that the only option left is to actually feel the feeling. And what does one do when left alone with feelings you would really rather not be feeling? Why, throw a pity party of course! And so I did, I threw the mother of all pity parties and invited every bad thing that has ever happened, every let down, disappointment and sadness I could think of. I got more and more miserable and it was a sorry state of affairs.
And then something interesting started to happen. When all things outside had let me down, I started to find resources inside myself to help me cope. Before I go further, emotions are powerful and can overwhelm us, so if you ever feel out of control, or that you are in danger of hurting yourself or someone else, please respect that and get help from family or a 24-hour crisis line.
In my case, the feelings were painful but manageable and I was able to stay with them. I decided to stop making it worse and started helping myself. We often feel isolated and alone in our emotional pain, and the truth is we don’t always have the support we need. The key is to find a way to be there for yourself.
A good place to start is by expressing what you are feeling. Whether it is journalling, drawing, talking to someone, exercising or screaming into a pillow, if it helps, do it. In our darkest moments sometimes all we have is ourselves. The wonderful thing is when we discover, sometimes, that is enough.