Last summer South Africa went through a phase of power outages that tested the patience of the hardiest African hearts. Since the rolling blackouts in 2008, electricity prices have increased by over 20% a year, and in spite of many people, including myself, making huge efforts to reduce electricity consumption, there is not simply not enough electricity to go around.
The other day, while the power was actually on, I flopped down in the 37°C heat to watch an episode of Modern Family. The story was about Jay who is in the unenviable position of being a son-in-law to a mother-in-law who dislikes him, while being a father-in-law to a son-in-law he dislikes! He is pondering the whole sorry situation and realises the most annoying thing about Phil, his son-in-law, is that he tries so hard. In a moment of clarity, Jay sees that he is doing the same thing with his mother-in-law.
Back in reality, in a startling epiphany, I realised that my problem with Eskom, is that I have tried so hard, to no avail. The solution? I stopped. I gave up feeling personally responsible for Eskom’s woes, popped the aircon on, put my feet up and immediately felt a whole lot better about life.
Not everything is so easily solved and the trouble with trying too hard is that it sets up a dynamic of expectations and trade-offs that are often doomed to fail. The feeling that we have done more than our share and someone else has not come to the party, is a breeding ground for resentment and anger and a hard loop to escape.
So if our striving is the very root of the problem, how do we do a ‘Jay’ and let things go? My suggestion, is that if you are feeling drained and depleted, it’s a sign your spirits need rejuvenating so find a way to fill up your own cup.
Stop all the effort and hard work in places where it is not bringing a beneficial result. You may be surprised to discover the ocean of possibilities that arise from simply being who you are, where you are, at the time that you are there.